I’m in a dear diary mode again. It is 2 am and I can’t sleep. It is bizzare. Not 2 days ago I was craving for sleep, jealous at the sight of other people who were asleep while I was staying up analysing my data and preparing for my presentation. I thought I can sleep for 48 hours straight when everything is done but, as usual I was wrong. It is late and I still refuse sleeping.. not when I am enjoying the silence and the calmness of midnight.
It has been a long day. I should have been very mentally exhausted after what happen. But, hey, what actually happened today? Well, a friendly neighbour, Uncle Collin was commenting on how loud the 1987 Honda civic was every morning. Knowing a thing or two about cars, he volunteered to have a look. What began like just an act of respect in our part ended up with him discovering that there is a power steering oil leak. We sent the car to a familiar workshop and there we learnt that our car is dying. It needs $1000+ worth of repair. That is $3000 worth of Malaysian Ringgit. Not that we couldn’t afford it, but I bought the car for $1200, I am not going to waste another $1200 for a mere “maintenance”. It’s not like we have any prospect with selling the car once we leave the country…So I might as well get a new “old” car instead.It was very unanticipated. So yeah, we bought an identical car that belonged to one of the foreman. Not entirely happy, but there is really nothing that I could do.
I always try to look for silver linings in every “undesirable” thing that happens in my life. So today I have just learnt that, the common saying that “ You can always choose your friends but it is your family that stays with you through thick and thins” is only 50% true. I have my reasons. It is amazing how you learnt about other peoples’ TRUE COLOUR when you are in crisis or when they are. Heart wrenching, I know. But such is the twist of fate and the fun and games that make life “challenging”. Sometimes I wonder do I really deserve to be treated this way? but in the end I just leave it to God to decide. May be “they” don’t deserve me.
I also learnt that i should never trust what people tell me. like, “what a nice car you have.. it is really a bargain!” but when the car broke down they’ll say..”hah, what did i tell ya? i have always knew that car was trouble.”
hey, stick to one opinion please.
Pardon my emotional entry today. I need sleep but i can’t, i had a long tiring day, I had just let go of a “favourite car” and spent a fortune for a new one, I had just learnt that sometimes family are just family and nothing more than that, I have just realized that people might say something when they mean something else, there is no more truth out there, I am experiencing the common “far, forgotten and unloved” feeling once again, I had just moved & spent loads of money moving to a new house when I really shouldn’t, but I have absolutely no control over because I couldn’t have moved when my family comes to visit me in June, it is unfair to them… but now I am left broke and broken, my heart is aching and I miss my sister so freaking much but the phone line & the internet is still not connected for another week..It is just too much to absorb in a day. Too much!!! No wonder there are tears starting to form at the edges of my eyes. Being cut off from the world is never a good feeling.
I want to cry so much, but i know there is a silver lining. There always is.