Tuesday, August 30, 2011

My cozy bedroom inspiration

Settling to a smaller crib is never a pleasant experience. But my best experience with living small was enjoying the closeness and the together time with my hubby. But after sometime, you have got to get a space for yourself. Especially when you also have to do a lot of work at home.

I am going to attend a home viewing tomorrow. But even before i set foot in the tiny house, i have already made mental prep for it. Pleasant little mental images of course...

In my head i imagined that my room will be my space and the lounge will be the hubby's space.. So this is how my mind works..

And of course it will be in pink. =^.^=

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Monday, August 29, 2011

Ramadhan blessings

August 29th, it's literally few hours to the end of Ramadhan and thus the beginning of Shawwal. It's kind of bittersweet, really. I will miss Ramadhan for the spiritual enlightenment, for the many calm nights that I get to spend in prayers and doa.. and those quite moments that I spent just to have a chat of how my day went with Allah, the greatest listener and just the simple confidence of knowing that I am never alone in any endeavour that I take...everything had been almost magical.. Indeed, after a string of problems I faced in both work and personal life, I am glad to know that Allah had always kept His promise that "after every difficulty, there is relief," Al Insyirah (5).

August had certainly been a crazy month for me, I had been pushing myself nearing the limit when it comes to work. Work days had been long and tiring, weekends had been spend working. In between collections, teachings, pushing my self to meet abstract deadlines, catching up with friends and trying to be a better wife and a loving daughter, I am glad that I decided to with hold PhD support group for a while. But this group needs to be active again soon for it does not only benefit the other members of the group, but it also helps me to be more focus with my study as well as giving myself the chance to help my fellow friends in need. Because I believe that every act of kindness purifies the heart, and no other act of kindness does this better that the one done without looking for a favour in return.

I have been very blessed this month. Alhamdulillah... Alhamdulillah... Alhamdulillah...
For few years I had been postponing my self from going back to see my families, missing my sister's wedding, missing out on seeing my niece and nephew growing up, missing up on meeting my gorgeous girl friends and watch their children celebrate birthdays etc. It's in this month that all of a sudden, Allah made it really easy for me and I am happy to inform all of you that I am getting a long holiday during the summer to be spent in Malaysia! Tickets are booked and I am really looking forward to have great times with my loved ones during the holiday.

Now that my PhD had officially celebrated it's 2nd birthday last 31st of July, there had never been a better time to focus on finishing and of course, going back for good. So naturally, my husband and I had been thinking of downsizing. Although it will be difficult to leave this beautiful big house and move into a smaller more "cost efficient" one bedroom apartment, I still can not help but feel very optimistic. Suffice to say that we are hawking on a very cosy unit a stone throw away ( in literal sense) from my "school sweet school". I want to say that walking from this new house would be a breeze but since I am not a dedicated walker, I will not promise anything. =) everything is looking pretty positive right now and I hope that Allah would continue help us with securing this little brown house as soon as possible...InsyaAllah.
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Well, that's basically the major points of the important things that had been happening in my life as far as August is concerned. Eid is in a few hours away and believe it or not, I am now putting together a few of my best office attires to wear for an international conference I have (also love) to attend from Monday all through to Wednesday. Obviously, my Eid will be in lecture halls meeting significant people in my research arena. And although I am slightly shy to admit, but I think this will be one of the best Eid in my life, ever... InsyaAllah.

Let's spend these last few hours of Ramadhan in prayers, doa & Quran recital and let's start tomorrow as happier, more productive, grateful Muslims. InsyaAllah.


Saturday, August 13, 2011

T e a r s

" p a i n "
"Pain:" is this unexplainable feeling that sits just beneath your chest, crushing your heart to pieces, sending shivers to your limbs, you feel paralyzed by it and despite all your efforts to make it go away, trying not to focus on the source of pain, trying not to think about the incident that initiate the pain, the best thing that you could do is just to allow a few glistening tears flow down your cheek while secretly pray that nobody hears you cry while wishing that the tears would take all the burdens away.

" t e a r s "

There are times when I wish that I am a different person, in a different place, in a different time, and in a different situation. I imagined that in that ideal situation, all these would not have happened. That I won't be here, that I won't have to deal with this pain, let alone cry. At this weak moment, my feet feel weak, my whole body feels weak, and no matter who I am, how powerful and successful I am, my voices will never be heard. And at this moment of extreme weakness, I wished that I could turn into a little thumbelina, curl into a secret hole and cry for several hours. It will be just me, the darkness and the pain that's killing me from inside...

Usually I would pray and pray and pray that Allah would make me stronger to face such excruciating pain. That I would learn something from this painful incident and that I would be a better person at the end of it. But today, I realized that my prayer has changed. I wished that Allah would take this pain and sadness away. I am too weak to deal with it. I am not that strong person anymore..Although I am a positive person and always believe that there is a silver lining in every clouds. But today my watery eyes can not see any silver lining in this particular cloud anymore. It's just clouds and rain and pain for me.

To all my friends that had been implicated by this, I am sorry friends. I wish I could be a better friend but apparently, I am not in the position to say so.
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