T e a r s

" p a i n "

"Pain:" is this unexplainable feeling that sits just beneath your chest, crushing your heart to pieces, sending shivers to your limbs, you feel paralyzed by it and despite all your efforts to make it go away, trying not to focus on the source of pain, trying not to think about the incident that initiate the pain, the best thing that you could do is just to allow a few glistening tears flow down your cheek while secretly pray that nobody hears you cry while wishing that the tears would take all the burdens away.

" t e a r s "

There are times when I wish that I am a different person, in a different place, in a different time, and in a different situation. I imagined that in that ideal situation, all these would not have happened. That I won't be here, that I won't have to deal with this pain, let alone cry. At this weak moment, my feet feel weak, my whole body feels weak, and no matter who I am, how powerful and successful I am, my voices will never be heard. And at this moment of extreme weakness, I wished that I could turn into a little thumbelina, curl into a secret hole and cry for several hours. It will be just me, the darkness and the pain that's killing me from inside...

Usually I would pray and pray and pray that Allah would make me stronger to face such excruciating pain. That I would learn something from this painful incident and that I would be a better person at the end of it. But today, I realized that my prayer has changed. I wished that Allah would take this pain and sadness away. I am too weak to deal with it. I am not that strong person anymore..Although I am a positive person and always believe that there is a silver lining in every clouds. But today my watery eyes can not see any silver lining in this particular cloud anymore. It's just clouds and rain and pain for me.

To all my friends that had been implicated by this, I am sorry friends. I wish I could be a better friend but apparently, I am not in the position to say so.

Ipad digital scrapbooking

Hello ladies,


Time had been quite unforgiving lately. And as with any busy working crafters, I had to make the painful decision of sacrificing my precious hobbies for work. Popow~~ (deflated sound)..


Last Friday I was a bit unwell and therefore was granted the most awaited MC. Well, it's winter and I am always home by 2-3 am in the morning, sooner or later I will catch a cold.. So I did. Thankfully, the cold only lasted for a day or so and after a whole day of rest, I recovered and in fact was even more energetic this weekend.


So what should I do with all these extra energy? I craft. Tee hee hee =^.^=


Well, I shopped first, then only I craft.
But i did not spend a lot of monies, ladies. Only 5 dollars.and that is all I need to create gorgeous pages like the following...











How is this possible?
Well, some of you might say that my ipad is just a power toy, but here I am showing you that well it is not just a power toy...it's the world most portable scrapbooking kit ever too! Thanks to..




Apparently they had been here for a year! I must have been too distracted to notice. ScrapPad provides:


1) Cartoonish, hand drawn type of embellishments that i love.
2) All papers can be used as both background or materials.
3) Embellishments, papers, stickers, borders and frames are copy-enabled, paste-abled, resizeable, repositionable, rotatable etc..
4) You can insert text but no rotated text or kern control for text editing..
5) the software comes with one default kit and 16 free kits to gear you up towards your scrapbook addiction.
6) If you like, you could also buy more 99 cents kits from within the app it self
7) Output options are either email, send to picture library, print, send to facebook or submit as template
7) As for the limitations..there is no ability to insert drop shadow, though..
8) And no ability to insert music and the like.


But I like it the way it is because it means that it requires less horse power in the processing department and let's face it, this is ipad we are talking about, not MacBook Pro... I have tried other ipad scrapbooking software that provide realistic scrapbooking with enhanced scrapbooking experienced ( can add music etc) but only God knows how slow the App is to the extend that I would never recommend it to anyone (yet), let alone mentioning it in my blog ( well, until they make upgrades and remove those glitches, of course).


So mommies and girls out there, it you are thinking of getting an ipad and has no concrete excuse for it yet, here i give you one... ScrapPad. Now all of your pictures could be easily turned into lovely printable keepsakes for you and your loved ones to cherish forever..and, it's way cheaper than any desktop scrapbooking software too.


Love ya lots,
Ana










- Intan Zulkafli is using BlogPress from her iPad

Location:Perth, Western Australia

Weather forecasts and maps

There is a reason why my brother likes to check Perth weather every single day even when he evidently stays in KL. And there is also a reason why I like to google map Seri Gombak every few day, even when i haven't been there in years. It is not because My brother aspire to be a weather freak nor was I a rooftop addict. But because we miss the other place so much.

Although all that I could see was a bunch of brick coloured rooftops, trees blocking the cars parked beneath it, with the picture resolution proved to be much too poor to help me make sense on whether that black dot I saw in front of my house was a dog or a trash can... but i swear that no roof top has ever given anyone more happiness, more joy and more sense of belonging than that one I frequently observed on google map.

Because when I see it, I know that the blurry, brownish-reddish, pixellated squares are the only thing close to my heart right now. Not for what it is, but for the people that are in it.

Miss Malaysia so much!

- Intan Zulkafli is using BlogPress from her iPad

Location:Stirling Hwy,Nedlands,Australia

Muhasabah Monday

Bismillahirrahmaanirrahim
It's the first of August. Finally the long awaited Ramadhan comes again for a month long visit. I'm just happy to be in this sweet month. It feels safe, it feels familiar, it simply feels home to be in the month of Ramadhan again. Although my entire family is not here, and despite being thousands of miles away from them, the act of fasting together makes me feel home, happy and content.

Today, I sent an email to my entire study group to cancel all academic activities to make ways for personal ibadah improvements. There are 12 months in a year and this is the only month that everyone should be selfish at trying to improve their iman. because ultimately, our PhD degree is just a degree.. it is not the book of amal and if it is not the book of amal, will it save us when we all stand in the field of Masyar?..a place where every man is for himself. I sincerely do not want to stand there sobbing to the fact that i spend an ounce more of my time during Ramadhan in 2011 for study, and therefore had to cut back on my zikr. nauzubilahiminzalik..

Everyone is usually pumped up on the first week of Ramadhan. As do I. I really hope that this year Allah would grant me a bit more self control to maintain this strong momentum until the end of ramadhan, and insyaAllah for the rest of my life.

Ramadhan al- mubarak, everyone and happy working, Lillahi ta'ala,,,
love,
ANA

Dalai Lama in Master chef!

Ah, life has been very pleasing. I actually had time to watch master chef last night. After an exhilarating week in new york, we had a sneak peak on what is coming up next week. From the preview, what's coming up will be even more exciting. The Holiness Dalai Lama will be coming as a guest judge. I saw in the preview how everyone lighted up when they saw His Holiness entered the kitchen. They were talking about how proud they feel for having Dalai Lama in the kitchen, it was an honour for them. Something I completely understand.

When I looked at their star struck faces I cried. I cried because that is how I would feel if I saw Rasulullah S.A.W in front of my eyes, walking into my kitchen. I cried because of all the glorious person that he is, I could only know him from a distance, from stories. But the one thing that broke my heart the most is the fact that while Dalai Lama is being celebrated, Prophet Muhammad is being condemned and made fun of. A well known priest of atheism referred to Muslims for being stupid for following him, a person who "hears things" whispered to his ears. Which angers me a little bit. I am fine with people not wanting to believe him, or Allah, or the holy book the Quran. But to be rude is just unacceptable.

Curiously, people ask me why I hate evolution. This is why. Evolution is fake, and it drives people away from God.

Blogpress dilemma

Owh darlings,
This world of rapid technology advancement makes everyone "on the go" feels pressured to keep up with the no looking back attitude of the current tech trend.

I am a writer at heart. So when I bought my first iphone, i felt the need to have a "desktop blogging app" in my iphone so that i could write whenever. It turned out that iphone screen real estate is just much too quaint for my liking, so i jolly wolly hoppity hopped to the shop and bought my next tech marvel, the ipad.

It's good that the iphone version of blogpress could also be used in my ipad. But still, the touch screen keypad, though spacey, is still rather "unreal" and unsatisfying.. ( i never thought i'd ever seek satisfaction from a keyboard but you gotta demand the best for your money, right).

So far, i probably had only blogged twice from my iphone and a handful through my ipad. Before i even discover my devices full potential, new ones with better features came out. Evidently, while i was busy not using my tech devices, other people are competing and making new ones.

I decided that may be its time to stop trying to compete with the rapid tech movement and stick with what novelty devices that i have. Keep them and use them to their fullest potential, for my everyday life. Well, not only that being wasteful is environmentally unethical but believe it or not, it is very very very frowned upon, to the extend of possibly being sinful in Islam. Btw, i could not possibly indulge myself with new iphone5 or ipad3 when i had just treat myself with the "book", macbook pro.

I promise, this will be the last of my tech "lavishment" for a long time.. Pinky promise =^.^=




- Intan Zulkafli is using BlogPress from her iPad

A simple life

When we were children, we always have either our moms or dads or brothers or sisters or teachers that we can turn to for problems. Be it personal or mathematical, they were always there to help. As I grew up to be a woman, I realized that the world I lived as a child was only a few steps away to becoming a dream. That world was always colourful and magical. There was no tears of frustration, friends were always genuine and helpful, playing was considered as learning, and not a day past without me feeling exhausted from too much playing.

I never imagined that I would look at the 9 year old me and wished that I had known how hard my mom suffered to support all three of us. I wished I had asked her was she tired? Does she want a glass of water after she returned home from work. When she did her post-grad training, I wished I had paid some attention to how she juggled family, work and children. My two eyes were just too naive to see pain and sufferings at that age. Life at that time was too consumed by homeworks, choir recitals, and plotting hard on how to conquer the LEGO game from my brother. I was selfish. All of us were. It's our selfishness that prevents us from the harsh reality of the adult world. Now, I wished I could revisit that simple life for a while. To see everything from a different angle. so that I could be more appreciative.

I am at the mid point of my research. I have a loving husband by my side, who sacrificed his career and withstand the painful mockery of surrounding people for being a house husband in order to take care of me. Yet, total happiness is far fetched and at times impossible to find. PhD is indeed a different world on it's own. Where every 10 people that entered it, one will surely go mad, but 9 would have had invaluable lessons on life that they bring home to their country once they finish. And you have no idea how much I pray everyday that I would be one of the nine people who succeed, InsyaALLAH.

Ameen.

Da,

Ana    

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