When we were children, we always have either our moms or dads or brothers or sisters or teachers that we can turn to for problems. Be it personal or mathematical, they were always there to help. As I grew up to be a woman, I realized that the world I lived as a child was only a few steps away to becoming a dream. That world was always colourful and magical. There was no tears of frustration, friends were always genuine and helpful, playing was considered as learning, and not a day past without me feeling exhausted from too much playing.
I never imagined that I would look at the 9 year old me and wished that I had known how hard my mom suffered to support all three of us. I wished I had asked her was she tired? Does she want a glass of water after she returned home from work. When she did her post-grad training, I wished I had paid some attention to how she juggled family, work and children. My two eyes were just too naive to see pain and sufferings at that age. Life at that time was too consumed by homeworks, choir recitals, and plotting hard on how to conquer the LEGO game from my brother. I was selfish. All of us were. It's our selfishness that prevents us from the harsh reality of the adult world. Now, I wished I could revisit that simple life for a while. To see everything from a different angle. so that I could be more appreciative.
I am at the mid point of my research. I have a loving husband by my side, who sacrificed his career and withstand the painful mockery of surrounding people for being a house husband in order to take care of me. Yet, total happiness is far fetched and at times impossible to find. PhD is indeed a different world on it's own. Where every 10 people that entered it, one will surely go mad, but 9 would have had invaluable lessons on life that they bring home to their country once they finish. And you have no idea how much I pray everyday that I would be one of the nine people who succeed, InsyaALLAH.
Ameen.
Da,
Ana
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