Saturday, August 13, 2011

T e a r s

" p a i n "
"Pain:" is this unexplainable feeling that sits just beneath your chest, crushing your heart to pieces, sending shivers to your limbs, you feel paralyzed by it and despite all your efforts to make it go away, trying not to focus on the source of pain, trying not to think about the incident that initiate the pain, the best thing that you could do is just to allow a few glistening tears flow down your cheek while secretly pray that nobody hears you cry while wishing that the tears would take all the burdens away.

" t e a r s "

There are times when I wish that I am a different person, in a different place, in a different time, and in a different situation. I imagined that in that ideal situation, all these would not have happened. That I won't be here, that I won't have to deal with this pain, let alone cry. At this weak moment, my feet feel weak, my whole body feels weak, and no matter who I am, how powerful and successful I am, my voices will never be heard. And at this moment of extreme weakness, I wished that I could turn into a little thumbelina, curl into a secret hole and cry for several hours. It will be just me, the darkness and the pain that's killing me from inside...

Usually I would pray and pray and pray that Allah would make me stronger to face such excruciating pain. That I would learn something from this painful incident and that I would be a better person at the end of it. But today, I realized that my prayer has changed. I wished that Allah would take this pain and sadness away. I am too weak to deal with it. I am not that strong person anymore..Although I am a positive person and always believe that there is a silver lining in every clouds. But today my watery eyes can not see any silver lining in this particular cloud anymore. It's just clouds and rain and pain for me.

To all my friends that had been implicated by this, I am sorry friends. I wish I could be a better friend but apparently, I am not in the position to say so.

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