Betrayal

 

And it could never be anymore correct than this.

“Minimize contact,” I told myself. Minimize contact with her if you’d want to survive this despair. And so I did. Have you ever wondered how it feels to get her name mentioned in my presence? I can not even describe it. All that I can remember was urging to cry ever so desperately… 

I was reminded by a friend that perhaps excessive sadness over something “so trivial” is likely to be the work of evil. But, my lovelies, define “trivial” for me please… If only you knew what she did, you wouldn’t have forgiven her so easily. But I clearly have.

Forgiving is easy. Especially after I rationalize with myself that perhaps she had her own problem, and that she just “had to step on her friends” in order to survive (advance forward?).  But forgetting, my friend, is harder. You have to experience it to understand it.

I talked to mom about her and in her own words she thought what this person did to me was wicked.She also reminded me to be an adult about it and not to“discontinue” friendship with this person. Come the right time,  mom wants me to tell her adult to adult, woman to woman that “Did she really think that I wouldn’t find out? Did she really think that Allah would leave me in the darkness forever?”

I don’t discuss about my sadness with anyone. But this disappointment is slowly building up to a depression. I don’t want that for myself, so here I am ventilating it all out on a piece of blog hoping that the burden is eased, the heartbreak gets mended and the despairs are gradually relieved. All I wish is that I can go through another day without having to feel sorry for myself after what she had done to me. It is obviously not easy, but I am hopeful that Allah will help me and guide me all the way through. 

I am not the kind of person who would seek revenge and I am grateful to Allah for that. But I am also not a person who could easily put a trust on people. It breaks my heart so severely when my trust was betrayed so casually. Betrayal… Oh, the feeling.

~Oh Allah, defend me from my friends because from my enemies, I can defend myself~

Da,

Ana