“Good things can be bitter, and sometimes might also sting big time”

Life is all about sacrificing the things we love for the things that are good for us. Sadly, good things can be bitter, and sometimes might also sting big time. the same goes in a relationship. more compromises are made with every passing day. today you’d have to compromise your girls night out to look after your sick spouse, tomorrow, he has to cook because you are preparing for an exam. every single decision a partner made will ultimately results in the lost of authority in the other. even though people might say that, No, we have a healthy relationship where every situation is a win-win situation, I’d say BS! you’re a liar! there is no win-win situation in this world. y ou are just lucky because your partner have decided that it is not worth it trying to get her/his way around you.

So knowing that this is the nature of a partnership, I’d say that anyone who enters one is an IDIOT. you are giving your freedom away or at least making a lifetime commitment to make compromise all the time, to what? a family institution? is that what you thrive for? Don’t you have better ambitions for your precious life? may be that’s why some people tried marriage for a couple of years and ditch it and become gays and lesbians…(no pun intended).

but I have to also admit it that it takes courage, self discipline, high levels of tolerance, and bucket loads of patience, and more patience to keep a relationship alive. There is no one self sufficient women who are married that does not think of an easy way out of a relationship… to end the constant battle of who’s voice is better heard in the house. even if they don’t voice it out, they think about it at least once. but being wives, they persevere… patiently believing that their sacrifice will pay… someone will notice and will appreciate what they are doing. well suckers, go on dreaming. if it is your dreams that help you live day by day then, don’t stop believing… cause the truth will kill you.

I know, what your blog represents who you are, so if this entry depicts that I am a bitch then what the hell… accept the fact that good things can be bitter, and sometimes might also sting big time. but for all that is worth, I believe in the concept of marriage, I believe in family, I know that it is not easy to maintain a healthy marriage let alone a happy one, But I so freaking believe that marriage will enrich you, and that you will ultimately serve your purpose in life through marriage…however suck it might be, it works.

 

toodles,

ANA

So again, thank you Allah for this “prize”. it is one of the best prize ever. Words failed me yet again, just know that I thank you with all my heart.

For a person who loves to create memorabilia… I sucked yesterday. I forgot to bring any camera, I did not pose when other people was taking my pictures.. God, What happened to me?

Well let me tell you what happened.

Yesterday was the Annual Post-graduate Student Expo (SEXPO), which was done in Law lecture theatre 1, UWA. the day before the sexpo I was so nervous for I am presenting for the first time at the sexpo. the first time presenting..yes..but also the second last person presenting for the day… my session was scheduled at 3.15 pm. I have a lot of experiences giving public speaking before but all the experiences did not help the nerve wrecking feeling I always have before each presentation.. and given the fact that my turn was at 3.15, I had to wait for 6 hours before I could present.. needless to say, It was the shortest 6 hours in my life.

each presenter had 10 minutes to present their work and 5 minutes for question & answer session. out of the 25 of us, the only guy that participated was Leigh Pearce. He’s a “HOTTY” if you know what I mean. and this hotty presented right before me. I could not concentrate at all during his presentation, because I was desperately trying to no avail to gather whatever energy I have left to concentrate on my own presentation…that is how bad I was feeling… and when he stood down, “That’s it, I can not hide anymore..It’s my turn now…” and when I stood up, i wished that the earth had just swallowed me whole, to provide me a safe place to hide. but, there was no earthly movement at all… So with a heavy heart, laboured breathing and feeling extremely scared beyond anything one could imagine, I went to the podium…even the fancy sony vaio laptop that contained my powerpoint slides looked blurry and insignificant at that time…  I then looked at my audiences..males, females, fellow speakers, judges, scientists, the empty chair of my absent supervisor, my smiling present supervisor, the sponsors, I looked at them all. everyone was murmuring, restless… as though they couldn’t wait for the whole thing to last. then I looked at the time keeper, Samar.. She nodded at me, So I began…

It was the longest 10 minutes of my life. I had just made eye contacts with one hundred people, I had blabbed about my research without anyone interrupting me, I have made sure that nobody was dozing off, and I have just developed some soreness in my throat because I was speaking so loud without me even noticing it. before I knew it, it was already Q & A time.. they applauded like I have given them a singing performance. sure I saw my audiences giggled and laughed as  I presented, but I thought it was mainly because of my nervous facial expression. but Miranda then came to me and said, “well Done, you were very gutsy and strong.” where did she get that idea?.. But I did win third place which means that may be I didn’t do so bad either.

In fact I can still remember that morning as Anifah messaged me, I told her that I was so nervous and asked her to pray that I win third place. this is the first time in my life that I had ever wished to win from the start of a competition.. I usually joined them for fun or because someone else was pressuring me to do it.. and to actually win when you have wished it is really out of this world.

so again, thank you Allah for this “prize”. it is one of the best prize ever. Words failed me yet again, just know that I thank you with all my heart.

“Although I do not have to say it out loud as He listens even before I speak, I still want to say Thank you, Allah… for all your blessings. You have made today an extraordinary day for me. I am healthy, I am happy, I have a loving husband by my side, you have resolved all my conflicts for me, you have fed and cleaned and clothed me so that I am decent, Words fail me oh Allah, I thank you with all my heart…”

Every night before we retire to sleep, I think we owe it to ourselves to ponder about how the rest of the day went. It helps putting things into perspective… and hopefully also helps to make us become a better person. Was I a better wife than yesterday? what did I do right today? Did I remember to say thanks every time someone did me a favour? Did I lend a helping hand to someone else in need? How good a Muslim am I today from yesterday?

 

Well surely there are so many questions we’d ask ourselves… but the most important of all (i think) is have we shown any gratitude to the Almighty for that one more special day?… Another day that gave us the chance to tell our loved ones how much we love them, another day to enjoy working the job that we love, another day to savour those pretty faces of the precious lil ones, another day to experience the company of a husband or the chatter of a good friend, another day to do good deeds and collect as many pahala as possible and another day to just simply be ourselves… because for all we know, today might be someone’s last day..last day at school, last day in the office, last day as a daughter, and last day as a best friend… and you know what they said, it’s the last day that matters, for that’s the one carved in the memories for the rest of our lives… let those memories be the pretty ones.

 

Life is a one way train ride. there is no turning back, No picking up all those moments that have already past and no catching up with the fleeting moments that are passing… If we do not make any effort to pause and look back to how well have we spent our day, by tomorrow we might be too late.

 

Although I do not have to say it out loud as He listens even before I speak, I still want to say Thank you, Allah… for all your blessings. You have made today an extraordinary day for me. I am healthy, I am happy, I have a loving husband by my side, you have resolved all my conflicts for me, you have fed and cleaned and clothed me so that I am decent, Words fail me oh Allah, I thank you with all my heart.

 

 

Truly, I am blessed and hopefully you will feel the same too.

=^.^=

“Well, how time changes so many things…, it changes people, it changes our priorities, it changes the way we look at life, and it changes the way we love those people that we claim we will love forever…”

when you have so many things to write, it is common to not being able to write anything at all. I want to tell you everything that happens in my life since I last blog to you but that is impossible. “everything” is a big word. I can’t tell you everything.some of it are secrets.. but I can tell you some of the good things that happened in my life for the past couple of weeks.

Amongst the first are the fact that my Abah & Mama had finally made their way to Perth..to visit me and actually stayed in my “lil crib”… (that is what I have decided to call my house,anyway)..hehe…they stayed for +/- 5 days, weekdays… since my supervisors were on holiday as well, I decided to come to the school only to do my “compulsory” lab works and then take the rest of the day off entertaining my Abah & Mama.

did we have fun? well, the weather was gloomy and rainy for most of the days, and there were also moments where we actually reached frosting level… everywhere was wet and there were not many things we could do outside..but boy did I had loads of fun! the fun of watching your dad sitting in your own living room, eating your cookings and smoked just outside the balcony..the fun of going to restaurants and tried new foods, going to malls not finding the perfect Coach Handbag or the right LV handbag or the precise YSL jacket, the fun of going out to play golf in swan valley on the only non-raining day.. that kind of fun..of course I had a blast. =^.^=

because this is an adult only holiday, there was no muzz buzz about having to get the children ready.. the only children there were me and my husband..wahahaha. there was no rush to go to school because the only person who had to go to school was yours’ truly and no one actually bother if we drink like 3 cups of coffees a day because we are all adults..wahahaha..everything was very laidback, no rushing, no preparing food for the picnic and stuffs like that. a very different form of holiday…that I enjoyed very much.

sad when my dad reported that everyone is so busy in KL that anyone barely had the time to call let alone visit him at all. sad when the only time my dad spent with all his children was during the last eid ul fitr..when I went back to KL for awhile last year… and sadder to know that I will not be able to go back to KL to celebrate eid this year at all. (tearful). Well, how time changes so many things…, it changes people, it changes our priorities, it changes the way we look at life, and it changes the way we love those people that we claim we will love forever. I guess it is now a high time for us to “forgive and forget” and start re-living the life that we once had. without prejudices, with pure hearts… and accept that our dad is a human after all, he may have left us when we were young but that is because he doesn’t want to separate us from mom. he may not be the perfect dad in so many ways but he is still our one and only dad. despite his cold “unwelcoming” exterior, there is a man struggling to live with all the wrong choices that he made…wrong choice of words, wrong choice of actions, wrong attitudes that might have carved a big deep wound in his children hearts. but those are just mere words, actions and attitudes… can’t we forgive that and look forward for a long life full of love?

well, enough with the “preaching” and trying to reach out to my “13 followers” and may be the non-existent readers..it is picture time!

my study room has been transformed in to a guest room.. pretty cosy I should say…

then we went to farmer jack’s in Claremont Quarter and took pictures with the irresistible tulips..why were there so many tulips at the florist and non in Araluen? I should really get a refund for my entry ticket..wahahaha..

so overwhelmed with these pretty flowers, I want to take this opportunity to dedicate this picture to my hubby.. hehehe…

mama & abah..priceless lah gambar neh..

These are my Abah & mama.. they are the people that really value their career, really value simplicity and really value respect for the elder. my live had been influenced by them however large or however small that influence may be. these are the people that touched my life so deep it is impossible to forget. though “love” is a strong word to describe ones’ emotion I have nothing for them but “love”…

Thanks abah for coming to visit me..and thanks for the car too.. vroom..vroom.. =^.^=

…recovery 101…

Remember I told you that I was going through a rough patch in my life a month ago? I was feeling down for few weeks but I kept it all to myself.. well I did curse to myself a few times, but finally I fought my way through. do you know what I learnt during the crisis? the power of mind over matter is pretty amazing. How you can halt a tear from forming in your eyes by concentrating on your work, how you can allow overwhelming heartache empowering you without the next person noticing and how increasing the volume of your ipod can really deviate you from a tonic clonic seizure of a severe depression. All that I missed was total and complete silence.

Things have returned to normal once and for all and thank Allah for that. I guess I have more inner strength than I thought. but I did cry to Jess and MJ. I was a mess… and after ventilating my heart out, I was OK.. as soon as that. Now I am as calm as the waters in an abandon lake…*wink wink*

Tomorrow, my abah and my mama are coming over to stay for a week. well I didn’t exactly applied for leave, but my supervisors are all on leave so I could go back a bit early and entertain the guests (hehehe..keluar tanduk jap). Abah & mama are bringing us a pair of baju rayas too..how exciting. I haven’t had any baju raya for the past 2 eids…so it is kind of exciting. may be we can take an early raya family photo together..

So in short, give it a bit of time, all conflicts resolved on it’s own… sure thing there was a hell loads of praying and hoping that Allah will resolve it for me, which He did and I am eternally thankful for him. What really helped was the fact that in the end having some family support helped a lot. so here I am penning off in the calmest way possible and prepare the house for the most important guest ever. love you guys loads..